Where the Trees Stand Still...

Do You Love Me?

2010-11-20T09:27:00.002-05:00

The morning fog hung over the Tiberius Sea. Sparkles of lights were caught in the moist air and gave the morning a sort of brilliance. In the midst of the fog could be seen a tiny shipping vessel with seven men slowly lowering their nets once more into the chilly water. There was an uneasy air of expectation this morning, almost as if the men were waiting for something, but they had no idea what it could be. From the ship they noticed the silhouette of a man standing on the shore. Nothing unusual there, probably just going for a morning walk on the beach. "Children, have you any meat?" his voice broke through the morning stillness. "No," Thomas called back disappontedly. "Cast your net on the right side of the ship and you will find." The figure replied. These words, said in a harmless manner, somehow cut into the fishermen's hearts. Something about these words entinsified the sad, lonely burning in their souls. But what harm could it bring? As they let their nets sink into the clear water, the nets soon filled with multitudes of fish. John stood up slowly and turned to look again at the figure on the shore. His eyes filled with tears as recognition clouded his vision. "It's the Lord," he whispered to Peter. At these words, Peter's heart sprang in his chest and he strained to see better through the fog. He knew John was right. How could this be? Their Lord was crucified just a short time ago. They watched him die. Even though He appeared to them before, each time felt like the first. They hungered to have Him with them again. Peter gathered his cloak, and jumped into the cold sea. As he stumbled onto the shore, he saw his Lord sitting by a fire, with fish and bread. As Peter and his friends sat quietly amazed at the presence of their Lord, He stooped to serve them. They ate together once again. Joyfully reunited with their Shepherd. After dinner as the disciples sat around musing at their evening, Jesus took Peter aside. As they sat apart from the others, Jesus looked at Peter. "Simon," he began, "Do you love me more than these?"

This simple question challenged Peter two thousand years ago. Christ did not only ask him that once, But He asked him three times of his love for Him. each time Peter answered, "Yes Lord, you know I do." And after each answer Christ would command him to feed his sheep. Why though? What did all of this mean? Peter had committed himself to following Christ, no matter what the cost. However, when trouble came, and he was in danger, Peter denied even knowing the Lord. I believe here, Christ is asking Peter to reaffirm his committment to the call. Christ asks Peter to confirm his love above all else and commands him to feed His sheep. After Peter repeatedly affirms his love and devotion, Christ shows him what the end result will be. He shows Peter that his devotion will cost him his very life. What Peter was so scared of before, he is now faced with again, but this time his fate is certain. Christ doesn't hide anything from Peter, but reveals to him to the sacrifice he will have to pay if he is to be His disciple. Peter listens intently. And after it all, Christ looks at Peter and says, "Follow me." Peter had been asked this once before, three years ago by this same man. And three years ago Peter followed. But his discipleship had been tainted by fear and denial. And now he is faced with the same invitation. "Follow me." Christ has now made it clear that this time, there is no going back. He must follow to the death. Peter knows now. He has seen the love, devotion, and sacrifice of Christ. And he has a choice to make. And as he thought about it, he finally considered his life nothing compared to the knowledge of Christ. He confirmed his answer of John 6:68. Christ asked, "Will you also leave?" And Peter answered, "Lord, to whom should we go? You have the words of eternal life." And he followed. He followed to death.

Today we are faced with the same invitation. Like Peter, now we know what the cost will be. And still Christ stands and holds the invitation to us in Revelation 22: 17. "Come. And let him who is athirst, come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely." And again in Luke, the call is to us: " If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall find it." What will our response be, that of those in John who said, "This is a hard teaching, who can accept it?" or that of Peter who said, " Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

Goodbye Almost Lover

2009-12-21T00:05:00.003-05:00

What do you say to the one who has been a major part of your life? What do you say to one who has been a true friend to you? What do you say to one who fills your days with laughter and simple joy? What do you say to someone you had hoped would share your life forever? What do you say to let them go?

There is a saying that sometimes the hardest part of holding on is letting go. Over this year I have found that to be true. It is simple and easy to hold on, to always be there, to just enjoy each other. But sometimes we have to choose what is difficult. Sometimes this means letting go. When I think about this, the thought scares me. Letting go is not a liberating, freedom feeling for me. Letting go seems more like falling, or losing my way. Letting go means wandering aimlessly without the one who brought hope and sunshine into my life.

Some would ask--why? Why do you have to let go? Why not hold on forever, or at least as long as you can? This is a question I have often asked myself, and I am not sure if there is a right answer. All I know is....we were almost lovers. Almost lovers are people who are not merely neighbors, playmates, coworkers, classmates, or even friends. There is a bond that grows between them. We were more. We were almost lovers. Even though it probably should've ended the night you changed your mind, it didn't. I have kept my heart in my hands, continually holding it out to you. Being with you is happiness for me. But it is a happiness that will not last. One way or another we will find happiness that will last forever. It will be either apart or together.

Does it hurt anyone to just hold on? It would be so easy, but the answer is a resounding "yes". It hurts because I know. I can feel the longing that may not be filled. I can feel the urge to reach over and hold your hand as we walk side by side down the street. We are so close. I can feel the need to lay my head on your shoulder as we sit together in the silent theatre. I wish I could kiss you goodnight as we stand alone on a cold winter evening. But I can't because you're not mine. It's like a nasty trick that is forever played on me. A cruel joke that holds out a prize and then snatches it away as soon as I get close.

So the answer is yes. I could go on like this. I could leave my heart exposed--continually holding it out only to be weathered and worn even more. The happiness I feel when I'm with you will always come short of true happiness. The happiness that would come from truly being yours. I don't want out joy to be counterfeit. I don't want to hold onto you. Each time I do, my fingers are wrenched off and I'm left alone again. This is no way to live. This is not a good life. This is not how love should be. We should not hold onto each other halfway. If we refuse to give ourselves wholey, we shouldn't give at all. Our hearts should be saved, preserved, for the one we are willing to give it to completely. I don't know who that will be,for you or for me. All we can do is wait and see.

But until then I have to figure out a way to let you go. I'm not saying it will be easy. I know it will not. I'm not saying I will recover quickly. I know I will not. I'm not saying I don't care. Because you know I do. I'm not saying I won't be there if you need me. You know I will. I'm not saying I don't want you. You know I do. I'm not saying much of anything. My feelings for you are kept inside because you're not mine to tell.

I am sure even as I walk away I will still turn to look at you. That's how it is when someone is in your life. You want them to stay. But sometimes the hardest part of holding on is letting go. So as I think of what to do, as I think of what to say, all I can come up with is, Goodbye my almost lover.

These Days

2009-12-20T23:35:00.003-05:00

There will be days when I feel okay
Like everything is fine.
Then there will be days when all I can do is miss him,
And the way things used to be.
Sometimes life looks exciting and new.
Other times life is just full of memories I wish I could go back to.
One day I am happy and cool with my life.
One day I am just aching to hold onto the way things used to be.
There are afternoons I stay busy and keep him away.
Then there are afternoons when the pain is just too much.
I lay on my bed and when I close my eyes, his face is all I see.
I see his smile. His dancing eyes.
I feel his arm around me.
And all I can do is cry silently for what may never be.
At one point I thought I was ready for all this to be over
And just move on with my life.
But there are always days like today.
I don't want to lose you.
I just want to keep you close to me.
To be my very own.
Here with me, By my side.
Forever.

A Good Man Suffers

2009-07-26T20:40:00.002-04:00

Job is a book of the Bible that offers great insight, encouragement, wisdom, guidance, and testament to the might of God. However, it is often overlooked. Why? Well for me, I know exactly why. I don't think I have ever read the entire book of Job for several reasons. For one, it downright scares me. It is a scary thought that the righteous Job would be tested by Satan. It is not pleasant to read of a man losing everything on this earth. It shows us that no one is free from sin and its effects. It shows that life is not a bowl of cherries. That God does allow suffering, even for His children. This book brings up tough situations and fills my mind with questions. But, I think the greatest reason I have for not reading Job is that I am worried it will cause me to question God, to become angry. How can I read about a God-fearing man be drug through the mud and see the providence in it all? How can I accept God's will in his life, and what if God chooses a similar path for me? This is what scares me the most. But these questions should not keep us at a distance. Job asked the same things, and God was more than willing to answer Job, just as He is willing to answer you and me. But we have to be willing as well. We have to be ready to be made uncomfortable, to wrestle, to pray, to question. And then we have to be ready for God's mighty answer. It will come. And when it does, it will leave us speechless.

Lightning Bugs

2009-06-08T00:29:00.002-04:00

When I was young I remember thinking that the years would never pass. It felt as if one month lasted forever, and a year was like an eternity. I remember thinking that time would pass so slowly and I would never get to high school, or drive a car, or get a job. I felt as if I was stuck in the here and now forever. But now....it is so different. Now I can't even tell what the here and now is. It's as if I blink and another day has gone by. Months fly by, and with them years just disappear into the past. It's scary. It's like I see everything happening so fast, and I just want to slow it down but I can't. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster that is speeding out of control, and I have no choice but to stay plastered in my seat with my white knuckles gripping the bar as we fly around the tracks. I'm not sure what causes this change. I remember how slow summer went by during my childhood. We would wake up every morning and plan our day....a few hours in the woods, run through the sprinklers when it was hot, stand barefooted on the scorching rocks in Mama's flower garden, sit lazily on the porch licking a popsicle and playing the car game, find worms for fishing, eat dinner, and then spend the rest of the evening catching lightning bugs in the front yard. I remember falling asleep with the bedroom window open and feeling the damp night breezes blow in through the screen and the sound of crickets ringing through the night. I didn't have a care in the world. Sure I thought about my future. But it seemed so far off that it would never come. And yet, here it is. That future I had been waiting for is here......and it's slipping by fast. I can barely keep up with the days, and before I know it another year has gone by. This summer just started.......and yet it's almost over. To think that this summer is my last summer in college is depressing to say the least. I guess I always think of myself as a kid, and it's hitting me hard that I am supposed to be an adult now. One year of college left, and then what? I just feel like life is passing me by, and I have somehow found myself on the sidelines just watching in disbelief as it races past me. I want to jump on and live it for everything it's worth. But I don't know how anymore. Maybe if I just let everything go and let myself be carried back to how life was ten summers ago.....I could find myself again. I could see that this life is really the same...it's just me that has changed. The days and hours don't pass any faster. There are still 60 seconds in a minute and 365 days in a year. It is my fast paced existence that causes me to lose track of my life. Can I go back? I would give anything to spend this evening on the porch listening to the tree frogs croak and the whipporwill singing. Just to go back to when every minute was cherished and life seemed endless. All I need is a jar, a clear summer night, and lots of lightning bugs.

The Unattainable Dream

2009-02-26T00:34:00.002-05:00

My heart needs friendship.
It aches in my chest for someone to love.
That is how we were made...
To know and be known.
But through the years I have realized
That it is all an illusion, a mirage of sorts.
Something you think you see.
You swear it's yours to have forever.
Finally your heart is complete
With the one you found.
The world doesn't seem as big now.
The night is not as scary now.
You have someone with you...
To know and be known.
As you wrap your arms around them tighter,
They begin to slip from your grasp.
You frantically try to keep a hold.
But they begin to vanish like smoke in the wind.
"Don't leave me!" you scream into the night.
They don't seem to hear.
The ears that were so quick to listen before
Seem to be deaf to your voice.
"Where are you?" you cry
As your eyes search the blackness.
But the eyes that once held your gaze
Seem to be blinded to your presence.
You know there is nothing you can do
But watch them fade out of your life.
It is then that you realize...
You are back where you started,
Alone and afraid.
You once again get used to the way things were...
Before.
Soon it happens again.
Out of nowhere someone appears
Like a mirage on the horizon.
They seem real and once again you rejoice.
But as soon as you reach out,
They begin to disappear like a star covered by clouds.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do we allow our hearts to become attached
When we know there is nothing substantial
To this word we call "friendship".
And yet we fall in and out of each others' lives
Over and over.
Like a viscious cycle.
There always remains a longing in our hearts.
Someone to cherish.
Someone to share our lives with
Forever.
And although we know it's out of our reach,
We fall for it every time.
Every time.
We never learn, and our hearts suffer for it.
But that is how we were made...
To know and be known.
And it will be what keeps us going
All of our days.
This unattainable dream.

A Sandy Christmas

2008-12-28T01:33:00.003-05:00

This year we did something very different for Christmas. 2008 was quite a year for my family. We had lots of ups and downs, twists and turns throughout the year. So we thought it would be a good idea to just get away for the holidays. We decided to spend Christmas at Myrtle Beach. The Myrtle Beach State Park has several little cottages that they rent to vacationers. They were all booked, but we were lucky enough to find one spot available for three nights. Just what we were looking for! We definitely couldn't depend on our old 15 passenger van to get us down there and back, so we rented a 7 passenger minivan. That was the most exciting part of the trip....fitting 9 people into a minivan--not to mention the luggage and everyone's Christmas presents! That was quite a feat! But thanks to Daddy's expert packing skills, we managed to fit inside with just enough room left over to breathe. (We didn't even have to tie anyone up on top. Although, after a couple of hours I would have gladly volunteered to be strapped to the roof!) While everyone was busy loading the van, I decided to help out by putting our breakfast of doughnuts into the oven to warm up. Then I went to help pack. When I came back inside I was greeted by a smoke filled kitchen, black doughnuts, and grim faces. I decided it was a good time for me to get in the van. :)
The ride down was not as bad as I thought it would be. Micah, Hannah, and I sat in the backseat and the 4 younger ones double-buckled in the middle seats. My elbow room was nonexistant and my feet were pinned down by suitcases and pillows. But at least we could breathe. The worst part of our trip down was the radio! The choice of music was seriously driving me insane! Some bright person stopped on the Disney channel and we had to listen to the Jonas Brothers sing a song.....one song is enough from them! Then, Elvis sang Christmas music nonstop. Daddy was fascinated with the satellite radio and he found a French radio station.....where he left it....for like 2 hours straight! This was the point where I almost lost it! Micah was loving it and was attempting to sing along. There she was singing made up French words right in my ear! Every ounce of patience I have ever accumulated was quickly used up. I finally had to scream at her. I felt bad, but hey, it shut her up for awhile. :-)We passed by a town called Manville, SC. We wanted to stop and catch us a fellow there, but Daddy just drove right past the exit! Oh well. We finally stopped at McDonalds and got double cheeseburgers. I was so starving so I ate two cheeseburgers in like less than 5 minutes.....which was definitely a first for me. haha Soon we could smell the salt air and see the palm trees lining the roads. Chaos broke out in the van as the children realized we were finally at the beach!!! Myrtle Beach has such a nice state park. We have only ever camped there, so to stay in a cabin was a new experience. The house was little and white with an airy screen porch lined with rocking chairs. Inside were three bedrooms, two baths, a living room, and a kitchen. It was very nice. I decided that when I build a house of my own, I want it to look like that one. :) After we unpacked and got used to walking again, (which took awhile) Daddy went to get groceries and a Christmas tree. The rest of us stayed at the cabin to explore. First we walked down to the ocean. It was only a 5 minte walk from our cabin to the shore. Chloe could not stay away from the water, even in December. So she took off her shoes, rolled up her jeans, and ran through the waves. I was afraid her toes were going to freeze and fall off....but they didn't. When we got back to the cabin we realized we were locked out. One of the kids had accidently locked the deadbolt and we couldn't get it opened. Soooo....Ian and I hiked up to the rangers station to get some help. In no time we had the door unlocked and were getting settled in for the night.
The next day was Christmas Eve. The weather was beautiful that day! The highs were in the 70s. We drove over to Huntington Beach State Park. There was an old house there that the Huntingtons had lived in. It was supposed to be built like an old castle. It was called Atalaya. Not to put down their creativity or anything, but I was not impressed with their "castle". It looked like a run down warehouse! But anyway, to each his own. We took a nice stroll on a boardwalk that went over the marsh. It was full of oysters. Ian and I climbed over the rail and sat on this bench that hung over the marsh. Our family went ahead and walked off, but we had to get an oyster souvenir. So....I wrapped around the bench-upside down- and took hold of a clump of oysters. Apparantly they attach themselves to something under the mud, because it was pretty hard to pull up. But we finally pulled it out. About that time I started freaking out, because I realized I was hanging upside down over a marsh.But I didn't die. We climbed back over the rail and snuck back to the van without the rangers seeing our souvenir. :)One thing that stood out in our day trip to Huntington was a couple and their son who walkd by us. They saw my siblings trying to open this old trapdoor at the "castle" (which was actually the basement door, but we didn't tell them that). But anyway, I heard her say something to her husband about "those rotten children over there". Yeah, so that pretty muched ticked me off. I was going to tell my siblings to go tackle her...but I decided not to. She was obviously a confused and frightened lady, so I left her alone. :-)
That night we observed our Christmas Eve traditions at the cabin. Mama always reads a book called The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey. (We always laugh at her because there is this one part she always cries in every year!) We sang a few Christmas hymns, watched the Nativity Story , and set out our stockings.
Christmas morning came before we knew it! We woke up early enough to watch the sunrise. We ran down to the beach in our pajamas and made it just in time to watch the sun coming over the ocean! It was beautiful! I ran down to the shore to write Merry Christmas in the sand. Since we were alone, I didn't mind being in my Hannah Montana pajamas. (Thanks for the pjs Grandma! LOL) No one was around to see me anyway. But as I finished writing, I turned around and saw a guy jogging by. (He looked like Buddha running down the beach!) I glared at my family who was just standing there snickering. They obviously didn't think it necessary to warn me that Buddha was jogging right by me in my Hannah Montana pajamas!! But anyway, we went back to the cabin and read the Christmas story on the porch, and then went inside to open our gifts. Daddy and Mama cooked a delicious Christmas dinner of ribs, macaroni and cheese, fried green beans, and fruit salad. That evening we wandered out onto the pier and watched the fishermen. Later on when everyone was settling in for the night, I had an urge to walk one last time on the beach....at night. I thought it would be cool. So Micah, Hannah, Chloe, and I snuck out for our excursion. The porch light quickly lost its effect and we were surrounded by darkness. We had to walk through the woods to get to the beach. We were pretty much scared to death. Our cell phones were not very good lights, and we were defenseless. But we found some tools by the horse hitching post. These looked like pretty good weapons, so Chloe grabbed a pitchfork, and we went on our merry way to the beach. The fog lay heavily over the sand, and the ocean was so black...all you could make out was the white foam when the waves crashed. It was beautiful....but creepy. After a quick visit, we hurried back to the cabin, but not before returning the pitchfork we "borrowed." :) We took off running through the woods and finally made it back to the cabin. That was a fun excursion, even if it did creep us all out.
The next morning we had two hours to get everything packed and cleaned. We finished in pretty good time, and stuffed ourselves back into the minivan. The ride home was an experience just like the one down there. But we had home to look forward to. That's the only thing that helped me survive the squished trip back. As we pulled into the driveway, we knew our vacation was over, and it was back to real life. I am thankful most importantly for the opportunity to remember and celebrate our Savior's birth. And I am thankul that we had such a memorable Christmas together! :-) Hopefully we can do it again next year!

....Thoughts....

2008-12-21T21:50:00.004-05:00

"[She] went after her lovers; but Me she forgot," says the Lord.
~Hosea 2:13
Lately I have gotten so involved in my life down here on this earth. I constantly think about what will make me happy or fulfill me. I worry over my career choice. I worry over my relationships. It's as if I want control over my life, and sometimes it scares me to think of handing control over to God. I wonder what He will ask of me. I wonder what He has in store for me. There is a choice to be made. Devotion to Christ is not just a frame of mind or a phrase that sounds good. I have learned that it is actively handing your life over to Christ and willingly following wherever He leads. I have been struggling with this lately. Sometimes I feel like I only have one life down here on this earth, so I should do what I want to do. But then this verse comes to my mind. " If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it." Luke 9: 23-24 I realize that following Christ is a choice. I am not forced to hand over my desires to God. I can keep my life for myself and try to find fulfillment on my own. But what is the end result? Only by following Christ do we truly find satisfaction and peace. "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You." Isaiah 26:3
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own life that I lose sight of what my purpose in this life is supposed to be. As a Christian, my main goal in this life should be to grow closer to God and to further His kingdom on this earth. Instead, I have been trying to find happines my own way. I thought I would find happiness in being a teacher or dating a certain guy. But I have been shown through God's Word that these pleasures are fleeting and only the joy that comes from God will truly remain and satisfy. "In His presence is fulness of joy, and at His right hand are pleasures forever more." Psalm 16:11 I am not saying that I no longer desire earthly relationships or pleasure, but I want my soul to find rest in God alone. If He wants to bless me with other joys...they are welcome, but I desire to be fully satisfied with Christ alone. I want my heart to echo the words of the missionary David Brainerd. " I enjoyed great sweetness in communion with my dear Savior. I think I never in my life felt such an entire weanedness from this world and so much resigned to God in everything. Oh, that I may always live to God!"

CrAzY DaYs with CrAzY KiDs!

2008-11-26T18:27:00.003-05:00

It was a sunny day. I was strolling through the playground soaking in the sun. I loved to hear the children's laughter ringing through the air. WHAM!!! My world was shaken as a football soared through the air and crashed into my head. Three little boys snickered..."Got her!" they cheered.
It's nothing new....just another day at work.
I give them a stare....a death stare. (It's not a very good stare since my eyes are still spinning in my head). They rush off to find their next victim....
This was a few weeks after I started work at SCA. What have I gotten myself into, I wondered. Everyday was like this......the kids thought it was funny to see just how far they could go before I either died....or went insane. (They did a pretty good job at it too.) I am pretty sure I have a couple of gray hairs in my head somewhere because of my work.
I know what it feels like to be completely helpless while the kids get the great idea of.....a dogpile! They throw themselves into a giant heap of mangled bodies. The poor souls on the bottom squirm and gasp for air. Menwhile I am standing over them screaming, "Get Up!!! Right Now!!!!" It doesn't phase them. "I'm going to count to three and you all better be sitting on the floor!!! 1....2....2 1/2.....2 3/4.....3!!!!!" I don't think they even hear me. So I began to pull the tangled bodies apart and deposit them on the floor. Slowly but surely I make my way to the bottom of the pile and free the squashed kid underneath. The day goes on like nothing happened.
I have experienced the scary feeling of losing a child. We are out on the playground enjoying the day when all of a sudden we notice that someone is missing! Great. We begin casually looking around the playground for this lost kid. When we realize he is not outside we return to the classroom. .Now we start to get frantic! "Where are you??!!" we yell through the school...over and over again. No answer. Now I'm gonna have to inform this mother that I misplaced her son. I shudder at the thought. We stay around for several minutes yelling and searching and yelling somemore. Finally when we decide to look somewhere else, we hear a snicker coming from under the table. Here comes the kid....crawling out from under the table with a huge grin on his face. "Ha! I tricked you!!!!" he shouts in glee. I clinch my fists, grit my teeth, and walk off......that's all I can do. Walk away. LOL
Working at SCA has also given me the opportunity to be insulted...deeply. I remember one day about a year after I started working here. I was eating lunch with my then third graders. (I had been their teacher when they were second graders). One of my redneck boys from Gaffney named Zach looked at me and said.."Ya know Miss Kinsey...when you first came here I thought you were ugly, but now I'm starting to get used to ya." I gave him a blank stare. "Thanks Zach," I said. "That means the world to me." haha I remember another time going into work and being greeted by Maribeth. "Hi Miss Kinsey. Wow! What are you wearing? That outfit is definitely not working for you." I've also had the pleasure of being told....that no wonder I didn't have a boyfriend...."I mean...look at her." You can't help but laugh at these kids. They definitely say some things that make you wish you had a tape recorder.
One of the best parts about working with these children is the opportunity I have had to become part of their family. It is so nice to go somewhere and have one of my kids run up and hug me, or go to church and have the kids run over to sit with me. It really could give you a big head if you let it. lol I have gotten used to being called "mama" by these kids. I feel like I am around them more than their parents are....and I guess it shows when they slip up and refer to me as their mother. :-) It is not unusual to see me on the playground with a kid on my back and one kid wrapped around each foot as I "drag" them around the playground. I would rather be here than in a boring old office somewhere.
Since I started working with the afterschool program at SCA my days are never dull. Boring is not the adjective to describe working with these children! Over two years ago I decided to start looking for work in childcare to see if education was a suitable career for me. When I first started working I was a little scared because I had set my mind on teaching, but the experiences I had during my first few weeks made me worry that I had the wrong idea! I decided to stick with it, and I soon saw that even though the work is demanding and nothing short of crazy at times......I wouldn't trade it for the world! My students are incredible people and have definitely made my life better. It is so good to have little children that love you and look up to you. I wouldn't lie and say my children are angels. Ha! But I am so thankful for the opportunity I 've had to be a part of these kids' lives. They are some CrAzY kids....but that's what makes them so awesome!!!

Long Way Home

2008-11-23T08:29:00.003-05:00

This journey of ours is a long one,
Going on for days...years...for a lifetime.
The path sinks through the dark forests
And winds along the ocean shore.
It creeps over the lifeless desert.
And twists along mountain heights.
Our days here are filled with love and joy.
Our nights are filled with pain and sorrow.
Even when we can barely take another step,
We keep on moving onward.
Some days are complete with peace and happiness.
We almost settle in to stay.
But still the road stretches before us.
It reminds us that our journey is not over.
Some nights are rainy and scarred with doubt and disappointment.
We try to run forward,
But still the road stretches before us.
It reminds us that our journey is not over.
We travel onward through the joy and the pain.
A constant push inside us...
An ache in our hearts...
An anxious excitement rushes through our souls.
A feeling drives us...
A longing...a love...a lifetime
It is our journey.
It is a long way home.

Southern Christmas Show 2008!!!

2008-11-17T17:02:00.003-05:00

Well, the Southern Christmas Show is here again! I can't believe how fast the year comes to an end! This is around our 14th year participating in the Southern Christmas Show. It started on Wednesday and continues until next Sunday. Since I am in college now I can't go to the show like I used to. When I was a kid I was there everyday! It got pretty tiring, but it was always the highlight of our year! It would definitely get you in the Christmas spirit. (Actually it had a strange way of making you tired of Christmas before it even came...which is the only bad thing about the show.)
The best part about the show is the other exhibitors! Most of the exhibitors have been doing the show for years as well. So every November it's like we have a two week family reunion! lol We have gotten to know them so well over the years. It's funny how they see us grow up from little kids. I was 6 years old when we started doing the show...and now I'm 20! Our friends there make the show a lot of fun! With a long show like that, things get pretty crazy! You never know what someone is thinking up next. I have so many funny stories from the Christmas show. Hmmm.....I'm trying to think of one that won't take forever to tell. One time when we were really little Micah and I were playing around on the entertainmnet stage at the end of the day. (All the customers were gone and only the exhibitors were left). We were dancing around and then when we stopped, people started clapping and we looked and all these exhinitors were standing under the stage watching us. LOL I just ran off the stage laughing, but Micah hid under the piano and cried her little heart out. :-) There are so many other hilarious stories, but it would take a book and not a blog...so I'll leave it at that.
The first night of the show is called Preview Night. The tickets are very expensive on that night and they usually have caterers come with lots of delicious foods! Exhibitors aren't supposed to get food from the caterers, but we have all decided we don't like that rule. So every year on Preview night we would take our exhibitor badges off and go hunting for food! I'm sure it's hilarious to see us standing line for food and then seeing a show worker come along and having to dart out of line and wlk off whistling or something. (All of the show workers know us, but the caterers don't). By the end of the night we would eventually find enough food for supper.
The show has a very distinctive smell. It smells like wood, paint, cinnamon, potpourri, and dust all mixed together. It is a good smell though....full of good memories!
Our booth for the past 14 years has been in Liberty Hall. The show has 3 halls with nearly one thousand exhibitors! Liberty Hall is where most of the crafters and artists have their booths. Right across from our booth is the entertainment stage. (that might sound good...but trust me...it is NOT). I can't relate the countless torturous hours spent listening to the catarwalling coming from that stage! A few of the acts have been good, but they are few and far between. I always liked when the ballets would put on a short dance. For years there was a woman named JillyBean that had a puppet ministry. She would perform several times a day. After 2 weeks of listening to it we had her whole performance memorized! I can still remember most of it after several years! :-)
We have met so many good friends through the Southern Christmas Show. Robert and Juanita Hall have been our booth neighbors for years!!! They are so much fun! Every year we have a race to see who can tear down their booth and get packed the fastest! (And every year...WE have won! haha) Mike and Brenda are another couple we have grown to know and love. Brenda Harris Tustian Kendrick is a famous watercolor artist we have been neighbors with ever since we started the show. There are so many others....Patsy Gullet, the Zimmermans, Millie and Robert Wilson, the Watkins family, Jack Mato Cardinal ( a Native American storyteller from Colorado) and others. We were always entertained by the guys taht worked in the Native American shop beside us. They were hilarious! Everynight they would had wars shooting each other with the staple guns! haha
But anyway...people come from miles around to enjoy the shopping, food, and entertainment at the Southern Christmas Show. We have looked forward to it every year and I hope we will be able to continue this Christmas tradition for years to come!

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris

2008-11-07T12:14:00.004-05:00

This excerpt is taken from Ch.6 "The Right Thing at the Wrong Time is the Wrong Thing"
I absolutely love Josh's book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and this an excerpt from my favorite chapter. If you've never read it...you should. It's excellent!

Waiting for God's timing requires trusting in His goodness and wisdom. We develop patience as we trust that God denies us what we think is good only because He has something better for us--both now and in the future. I'll freely admit it--I often have difficulty trusting God. When it comes to my love life, I have a nagging fear that He wants to keep me single forever. Or I fear that if He lets me marry, He'll match me up with some girl (or guy) to whom I won't feel attracted. I know these worries are silly. In my better moments I admit I haven't based these fears on the reality of a loving, caring Father in heaven that I have come to now. But even though I know He is a good God, I often allow my lack of faith to affect the way I approach dating.
I fear that God might forget me. Instead of trusting in His perfect timing, I often try to take things into my own hands. I grab my life's calendar from God and frantically begin to pencil in my own plans and agendas. "God, I know you're omnipotent and all that," I say, "but I really think you missed the fact that this girl (or guy) over here is my destiny.If I don't go after her now, my future will pass me by!" Eventually I sheepishly hand back the scheduling of my time , energy, and attention, saying,"Of course I trust you, Lord, but I just think you could use a little help."
Do you believe that God knows best? Then place your life's calendar at His feet and allow Him to handle the scheduling of your relationships. Trust Him even if it means not dating when other people think you should. When God knows you're ready for the responsibilty of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.
"For I know the plans I have for you," God says," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11) Let's live our todays for His kingdom and entrust our tomorrows to His providence. We couldn't lay our futures in better hands. All we have to do is trust.

Redefining Our Nation

2008-11-01T14:30:00.002-04:00

Let me start off by saying that I love America. I am thankful for our country, but I hate the way our country is going, and I am scared to see how it will end up. I am so proud of our country's rich heritage, but I am disgusted at what the government has turned our nation into. I am appreciative of the vision and hardwork of our founding fathers and brave soldiers, but I am angered by the corruption our negligence and ignorance has allowed into the nation.
At the founding of our great country, the citizens knew what values they cherished and were willing to die fighting to create a nation under God with the promise of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all who desired it. They fought against oppresive rulers and government that wanted to trample their freedoms. We were given a great gift in this country. But what has become of it? I believe our founding fathers would not be able to recognize the country they founded if they were able to see it today.
Government has become way bigger than the Constitution intended. It seems as the years go on, the only answer politicians can give is more government, more government, more government. In a very subtle way, the government has been able to gain more and more power than our democracy should have allowed. In the name of "freedom" and "change", government only deceives us into handing over our once precious rights. The nation today is full of people who look to the government to be their savior. Everytime politicians promise more help and more changes, notice these changes don't tell government to get off our backs. Instead, they add on another way for us to become dependent on the government. The foundig fathers designed our government to have as litle role in our lives as possible...but look at how that has changed. The Bill of Rights was meant to protect us from the government. And what do we do? We oohhh and aahhh over Senator Obama who would like to create a second Bill of Rights--this one for the government. He believes the Constitution is flawed and seeks ways to give government more power. If this had been the case during the Revolution, we would have thrown Obama into the harbor along with the British tea. (no offense) But look how our citizens have been brainwashed...we cheer when someone like Obama laughs in the face of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Slowly but surely America is being redefined. Not only the politics, but look at our country's morality as well. What morality, you might ask? That's a good question, because there are little or no morals left in America today. Our nation is changing what people have always valued as sacred. They are taking our sacred covenants and blessings, and stomping on them.
Take the sacred covenant of marriage. People are fighting with everything they have to change the traditional view of marriage between one man and one woman. They want to change it to whatever they want it to be. As Gov. Huckabee stated, if marriage means anything...then it means nothing. What does our government want to change the definition of marriage to? Who knows. First...a man and a man, then ...a woman and a woman, then...a man and two women, then...a man and his daughter, then...if we are lucky I am sure people who practice beastiality will be allowed to marry their dog...or horse...Please don't be offended by that. It is true, some people practice that, and I am sure they would like "equal rights" as well. If we are going to change the definition of marriage for some people, we would have to be fair and change it for all variations. Right? See where this path leads? Anywhere. And anywhere is a scary word.
Besides marriage, another sacred blessing government has sought to redefine is life and the value of life. True, we want equal rights, but when these rights involve shedding innocent blood, we have infringed on another's right....the right to life. Has government come to the aid f the country's most helpless and exploited citizens? No. Instead, it makes it easier and legal for millions of babies to be murdered inside the womb. Why? Because we have redefined life. See what's happening here? We don't like the definition of marriage, so we seek to change it. We don't like the definition of life, so we change it. Now we can marry our same sex friends and kill our unborn children (and according to Obama...our born children as well). Oh the sweet freedoms America offers. How far we have strayed from God's truth. God has blessed this nation for over 200 years. You can see His sovereign hand guiding the prosperity of this young nation. He has not changed. I believe God still blesses this land. But for how long? How long will He watch His standards mocked and His precious creations murdered? How long will He bless a nation that kicks Him out of their government? The answer is....I don't know. I believe this nation still has millions of God fearing people in it who value freedom and honor God. God promised Abraham that He would not destroy Sodom and Gomorrah if only 10 godly people lived there. I hope He continues to show this mercy to America as well.
I hope one day soon, preferably before Tuesday's election, the concerned citizens would get off the sidelines and make a stand for our cherished values and freedoms. Stop being fed everything these politicians want you to swallow. Remember the principles this country was built upon. What we need is a spiritual Revolution in America. Hopefully then we will once again be...one nation under God.

Pull Me Out

2008-10-18T18:42:00.000-04:00

I now have a new favorite Bebo Norman song (like that's unusual). lol This one comes from his latest cd titled....Bebo Norman. But anyway, like always, his songs seem to relate perfectly to my life and certain emotions of mine. This song is called "Pull Me Out". You've probably heard it on the radio...but I love lyrics, so I'm going to write them out.

"Tell me now, when does this start feeling
Like I understand everything I'm dealing with.
First I was young, now it's all just happening.
And what about the way I said that
Made you turn around and shake your head
Like I don't even know what I'm asking for.
This could be all about just letting go.
Or this could be all about just holding on.
I can't get my feet off of the ground.
I wanna run but I don't know how.
Can you reach down here and pull me out?
Can you pull me out?
I wanna scream but there's no sound.
I wanna fly to You somehow.
Can you reach down here and pull me out?
Can you pull me out?
Remember when I was young and hungry
I could take it in without much money.
I had nothing at all but dreams and time to kill.
Now I feel like I'm treading water
And I'm hardly real, I'm just trying harder
To make my way on this earth by standing still.
Not a moment too soon...
You will be my rescue
But tell me how long will it take?

I don't really know what this song is supposed to mean, but I know what it means for me. lol
It reminds me of where I am in my life. Sometimes I feel just like the one line that says.."First I was young, now it's all just happening." I know I should be happy about being twenty, and I am thankful that I've made it this far...but it is really depressing for me to think that I'm getting older and I am an adult now. I feel like the exciting, youthful days are over and I have nothing to look forward to. lol...Just a day after day existence on this earth. Sometimes I get sick of the idea of growing up and not being as carefree anymore. "Remember when I was young and hungry.... I had nothing at all but dreams and time to kill." I remember being young and I had so many dreams, and I couldn't wait to get older. But now that I am here and my "dreams" are happening......I wish I could go back to a time when I had something to look forward to. I don't really know why I have been feeling like this....maybe because this year didn't turn out how I had hoped. (to say the least) Relationships that I built my life around crumbled in a matter of days....and I've had to pick up the pieces and get on with my life. I tell everyone else involved to just get used to it...but I know by experience that is easier said than done. My whole concept of what a relationship was crumbled, and I am still trying to force myself to believe that everything won't turn out the way this relationship did. I had a similar experience a couple of years ago when my friend Brooks passed away. He had just gotten married a month before and constanty talked about his new family and all the kids he wanted. When he passed away, I saw all that he had wanted go away in an instant. I wondered what was the use in him loving and getting married if it was all over in a month? I remember being scared by the thought of love after that. I was scared to ever love anyone or think of starting a relationship with someone after that. The ever present question in my mind after his death was ...."what's the use anyway?"
I struggled with those feelings, because I knew that there is a purpose for everything, and like they say..It is better to love and lose then never love at all. (Or something like that) lol
I was finally able to get over my hesitation towards relationships. Since I have never dated, the only real relationships I had were with my brothers, sisters, and a few dear friends. I knew that my relationship with them would never change because we were a family. We had been together through eveything..for years...and years. My bond with my family was only made stronger because my siblings and I were homeschooled. My older sister was definitely my best friend. (as were my other siblings...but my older sister and I had a very close relationship). People would often joke about how you could never see me without her or her without me. People were shocked at how well we got along. We always worked at the same place....I followed her to Zaxby's. She followed me to SCA. lol If I left work before she did, or vice versa, she would always say" See ya later Kinsey. Love ya!" I remember our coworkers thinking we were crazy for actually saying "I love you" to each other. :-) But anyway, alot of my dreams as a child had her as a main component. I pictured myself as her maid of honor at her wedding, couldn't wait to be an aunt to her kids, and sit in a nursing home together as old ladies....causing mayhem no doubt. lol But now everything has changed. I like to dwell on the old days when I get the chance, but then just like when Brooks died, I find myself asking.."what's the use?" Even the relationship I thought for sure would be around forever has ended....So I have been struggling to look forward to the future and not dwell on the past. I think these experiences have been good for me in a way. I realize that relationships do not last...no matter how much you want them to. Not that you ever stop loving the people dear to you. I have not stopped loving my sister..even though we aren't on the best of terms. You never stop loving them...you can't. But I have learned that relationships do change and it's not the end of the world. Life is what you make it. I could choose to be miserable, but I don't want to be. I do get depressed at times, but I am thankful for a valuable lesson that God has taught me through all of this. Rely on Him. I have learned that the only sure relationship is my relationship with Christ. That is the only person who could never disappoint me and never leave me. With Him I never have to worry about being alone. I think that is why I can relate to Bebo's song. Instead of constantly worrying over earthly relationships I have now been taught to worry about eternal things...because those are the only things that matter anyway. It's kind of like I've finally come to the place where I can say..."All of my plans and dreams for myself have proved to be worthless. I need Your help. I want to do Your will. Not my own. I want Your plan for my life....no matter what it is."
Not to say that I don't value relationships with my family and friends. I do....very much. And I look forward to any other relationship God sees fit to bring my way. I think I have just learned to worry about eternal things and let God handle my life and my relationships.
"This could be all about just letting go.
Or this could be all about just holding on.
I can't get my feet off of the ground.
I want to run, but I don't know how.
Can You reach down here and pull me out? Can You pull me out?
I want to scream but there's no sound
I want to fly to You somehow.
Can You reach down here and pull me out? Can You pull me out?"

President Barack Hussein Obama? That's a Scary Thought!

2008-10-15T19:55:00.000-04:00

As most of you know, I am not a big fan of politics. As a matter of fact I can't believe I'm actually going to attempt a note dealing with politics. But...I am. So bear with me.
For the first time in my life I am actually following the presendintial campaign very closely. Maybe it's because this year I can actually vote in the election, or maybe it's because our country is at a crossroads this November. It is up to us Americans to choose which path our country takes. If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I would never have believed the citizens of this country would even consider the candidate that is so popular in this race. According to the latest NY Times poll, Barack Obama is now 14 points ahead of John McCain. I can't believe someone like Obama has gained the admiration and following of so many of the American people. Will people really ignore what evil Obama stands for and vote him in as the next president of our nation? I do not agree with Obama's socialist attitudes towards the economy or his ties with terrorists. I would have thought the citizens of this country would have laughed him out of the campaign...but no. Obama's stance on these issues concerns me, but his anti life positions are what really concerns me. Whether Democrat or Republican, prochoice or prolife, Americans should be shocked and offended by what Obama stands for. I know we could argue the abortion issue nonstop and still not reach an agreement if you are prochoice. I've heard the prochoice arguments of: a fetus is not a human yet, it's not alive until it's born , etc.
But the stance Obama takes is much more radical. What Obama supports is clearly infanticide. In 2002 a legislation was introduced, called the Infant Liability Act, and later in 2002 another federal law was introduced called the Born Alive Infant Protection Act. These acts called for government protection of infants who survive late term abortions. The legislation was pushed by Stanek, a delivery room nurse. She became passionate about this legislation after she repeatedly witnessed babies who miraculously survived abortions only to be left alone to die. If a "wanted" baby of the same age was born prematurely, the baby would be rushed into ICU and given the best of care to help it survive. But if the baby was an abortion survivor, it would be left alone, gasping for breath, until it finally passed away from lack of care and nourishment. She offered this testimony to Obama when he worked for Health and Human Services. Her testimony "did not faze" him. and he voted against the act. Obama said if the government was required to care for these infants it would, "create one more burden on a woman and I (Obama) can't support that." In Congress, Obama was one of the very few radical liberals who voted against protecting these babies...who are in fact citizens of the United States. Even other prochoice Democrats knew to vote against this bill would be going way too far. They joined with Republicans to help get it passed. Obama was one who repeatedly stood against it. Thankfully, President George W. Bush upheld the sanctity of life and realized it was his duty to protect these helpless infants, and the bill was signed into law. But what about when President Bush is no longer in office? What if decisions like these were left up to Barack Obama? Instead of defending our rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, he has other ideas. Obama does not stand for the same values our founding fathers fought so hard to secure. He does not stand for the freedom our servicemen and women have given their lives to protect. He has other "new" ideas......ideas that have been heard before coming from the mouth of Karl Marx and other evil men of history. Are we going to blindly follow this man just because of his "charm" and speaking abilities? Many Americans seem to have no problem with his warped views on the economy, government control, and the sanctity of human life. I just hope and pray all of these people who are dedicated to him will be able to see the wolf in sheep's clothing before November 4. If America actually elects Barack Obama as our next president, I am sure our founding fathers will turn in their graves.
I am not scared for myself, because my strength and protection comes from the Lord and not an earthly government. I would just hate to see America elect someone who fights against all of the values our fathers have fought and died to secure. That would be a shame.

Coasting Your Way to Heaven....

2008-10-07T10:47:00.000-04:00

Sunday I heard a sermon by a local preacher. I was more than a little confused by and concerned about what this preacher taught his congregation. The preacher is doing a sermon series on the letter to the Romans. This particular Sunday he preached on Romans 8:1 "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." The sermon was about believers being free from the condemnation due us because of the finished, atoning work of Christ. However, he made a statement that I totally disagreed with and found it contradictory to what Scripture actually teaches. Normally, if I didn't agree with something I would study it further, perhaps agree to disagree, and go on my merry way. But I feel that this is a very important difference and I also think it is a very dangerous teaching to whomever might hear it. I am afraid it is not an isolated case of false teaching. I have heard it preached in many churches I have visited.

The preacher said that no Christian will suffer condemnation because Christ suffered the condemnation for us. I agree with that wholeheartedly. However, he began saying that it didn't matter what type of Christian you are. He said you could be a church going Christian or not, a tithing Christian or not, and neither of you would suffer condemnation. I still agree with him on these points. The Bible never put tithing or church attentance as a condition for salvation.....BUT the next thing he said was quite surprising..."You can have fruit in your life or you might not ever have one piece of fruit in your life...it doesn't matter. You still will suffer no condemnation." This is where I disagree. He went on to say that there were some people who had the idea that once they got "saved" they could live how ever they wanted and just "coast their way to heaven." On the contrary another believer may live a Christlike life and show good fruit, but neither believer will be condemned. At first I couldn't believe what I was hearing preached. But it occured to me that he was serious when several "amens" echoed throughout the church. That was even scarier when I realized all these people in his congregation agreed with him. I completely disagree with him and think his teaching is dangerous. Here's why:

The Bible clearly teaches that salvation is a free gift given to us through the grace of God. We do not deserve it, and we never will deserve it. But the Bible is also clear when it says that there is more to salvation that merely believing that Christ is the Son of God. Scripture says even demons believe that and they tremble. The only way to be saved is through faith and repentance. Repentance is an active word. You have to do something...You have to realize that you are a sinner and you turn from your sins and practice those things no more. Now I am not saying that if you sin after accepting Christ you would lose your salvation...God forbid. Christ knew we would sin after we were saved and He promised to mediate for us and forgive our sins.

However there is a difference between living for God and occasionally falling into sin and on the other hand never turning from sin and continuing to live to self. The verse that the preacher used spoke of no condemnation to those in Christ, but the rest of the verse that the preacher ignored said..."who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." When the preacher said one could accept Christ and show no fruit and coast to heaven, with no threat of condemnation, he was dead wrong. Christ is clear that when someone is saved his life is changed and sin no longer has a hold on that person. We, as Christians, are to strive for godliness daily. God did not spend so much scripture talking about holy living and fruits of the Spirit as just options for believers. He never said, "You can either live for God or live for yourself. Your pick. But don't worry, as long as you answer the altar call, you can coast your way to heaven, and there will be no condemnation for you." I believe this teaching is dangerous because so many people, especially young people, are willing to believe it. They may be convicted to get saved, but instead of repentance and faith, they are told they don't have to change their lives. Because of this they go on living without the fruit of the Spirit, because the Spirit is not there. Yet they are tricked into believing they are on their way to heaven, and they never repent.
The Bible is very clear on this subject. Here are a few verses to back up my position. This is too important of an issue to overlook.

Matthew 7:16-20
"You shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns or figs or thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit: but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit....Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. "

Romans 6:1
"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin , that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?"

Romans 6: 21
"What fruit had ye then in those things wherof ye are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life."

Romans 8:13
"For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die, but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live."

James 1:22
"Be ye doers of the Word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves"

1 John 1:6
"If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness we lie, and do not know the truth: But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin."

Remember...

2008-10-03T20:10:00.000-04:00

Every now and then when I get a chance to pause from mu busy life, my mind usually travels back in time. My heart and soul thirst for these days that have gone and are now stored away forever. In these moments, the dust is blown away from those days. I can once again feel the feelings I felt, savor the moments experienced, and cherish those memories made. Now my life is hectic. I have become accustomed to my fast paced everyday existence. I don't even realize when a day has gone by and another one begins. Everything is stirred together into a sawrm of days, months, and before we know it...years. I do not feel that I am missing out on much, but when I happen onto a pause in my life, I remember all the little moments that have passed me by. These moments are not mine to have anymore. Once they were mine to love and cherish. But the years have stripped these days from us, and we do not have the option of going back to them... no matter how much we desire. That is the flaw with time. We enjoy moments when we are in them, but once these moments are long gone, we look back with fondness. We not only cherish them, but long to go back and relive them over and over again. But we can't. Those times are locked in a vault, never to be taken out again. Only in our minds.
The days I long for were simpler days. Days when I lived life to the fullest. The fullest not being fancy objects, lots of money, or world travel. The fullest to me was days filled with simplicity and charm. Days I didn't have to worry through...only enjoy. I never dreaded a day, but only looked forward to it. My mornings were not rushed...but savored. I could actually see a sunrise and soak it in. Afternoons were not filled with papers and tests, but dolls, "orphans", cooking, fort building, and "Remember the Alamo" reenactments in the woods. Evenings were not a time to cram leftovers, instead they were a time to wind down and look forward to the next day. This was not accomplished by studying or pouring over homework. Evenings were spent around the dinner table for a long awaited meal. If the nights were warm enough we would continue a game from the afternoon, not even considering the darkness around us. I would crawl into bed satisfied and eager for the next opportunity to relive that day.
Time takes away more than childhood haunts and rambles. Time steals. It steals our zeal for life, our health, our relationships, our moments. In my vault from the past I think fondly of my neighbors also enjoying their days by our side. They also led a simple life. At the end of each day they would relax on their porch...watching the sun go down and our silhouettes dancing across their yard. But time has stolen this as well. The simple life is still their. But now it has a different meaning for them. Time has taken, not only these moments, but their ability to relive them. The chairs on the porch are cold and rusted from their lack of use. Their evenings are now spent indoors. The life they once knew is slipping away, becasue time is taking not only their past...but their future as well. The life lived is drawing to a close. And yet, they can only reminiscence on days gone by. Their porch is empty, and we no longer dance in their yard.
We are all still here... on this earth. They are inside their house living out the reminder of their lives in simple solitude...remembering. Meanwhile, I am living out the remainder of my life running, always running, trying to catch something I do not even recognize. But I always remember. Everyone remembers. Can we do anything about it? Can we go back to those days? No. All we can do is...remember.

Should We Laugh or Cry?

2008-09-29T12:28:00.000-04:00

I heard a very convicting sermon yesterday on the radio by one of my favorite pastors....Ravi Zacherias. One of the points he made really caused me to stop and think. He said that we as Christians have confused what calls for laughter and what calls for weeping. We do not know when is the proper time to laugh or when we should cry. Think about this for a second. The things that we are entertained by are often the same things that nailed Christ to the cross. We laugh and snicker at what should cause our hearts to break. Maybe it's a song with dirty lyrics, a movie that has profanity or sexual immorality, or maybe it's a conversation with a friend, or a thought in our minds that does not honor God. Instead of being turned off by these things, sometimes we are entertained by them. God looks at what makes us laugh and what makes us cry. He is a holy God who loved us so much that He offered us His Son to pay for our sins. Can we picture Him watching a movie where His name is profaned and immorality is rampant, and Him actually soaking it in, and being entertained by it? I cannot picture this. Instead I believe it would cause Him pain to see us having a good old time watching and participating in sinful areas...areas we were supposed to have died to when we accepted His new life. We are called to leave behind our old selves as Christians....we are to be transformed to the image of Christ. What makes God happy should make us happy, and what breaks His heart should cause us to weep as well. So next time we are confronted with a form of entertainment that is full of sin, I hope we will ask our selves.....should we laugh or cry?

Two Years

2008-09-22T11:36:00.001-04:00

In the fall of 2006 I started my first year at USC Upstate. I also started a new job that fall. I had been working at Zaxby's for 2 years, and in November I had had enough and moved on to Spartanburg Christian Academy...where I have now been for 2 years. The fall of 06 was a very important and exciting time in my life. But something happened in September of 2006 that totally changed the rest of the year. On September 15, Brooks Hammett passed away unexpectedly. He was my manager at Zaxby's and over the years he had become a good friend of mine as well. He was only 24, just married, and very excited about the future! His love and enthusiasm rubbed off on everyone around him! After his death, my year was drastically changed. I hated school ( I had just started a few weeks earlier). It took me a while to get to the point where I could actually go through the day without getting sick just thinking about what had happened. Work without Brooks was extremely different. I gave it a few months to try and sink in, but everything had changed and it was clearly not going to get better. Brooks was the "glue" that held Zaxby's together, and there was a void left behind. Around this time many of the coworkers I had grown to know and love left work as well...so I joined suit, and looked for another job. I had never experienced a loss like that before, and I pray I never will again. It was so unexpected, so sudden, so unbelievable. For about a year I thought about him every single day. It took months before I could even go back into Zaxby's again....and even then it left me depressed so I would stay away. Looking back on everything that happened that fall.....I can see that I have come a long way. Not to say that Brooks is missed less or forgotten.....not at all. But now I can see that pain will fade with time, but even when the pain has lessened there will always be a scar leftover. I can look back at him with fond memories, laughter, and an occasional tear even now. Of course no can know why he was taken from us so soon, but we do know that God is in control and He works through circumstances to teach us and help us in the long run. After Brooks passed away I learned what it means to be friends, to love, to smile, to radiate joy, and to always be excited about the future. I was able to remember these things in him and try to apply them to my life as well. But anyway, I was just thinking about the two years that have passed now, and how much has changed, and yet what will never change....our love for Brooks and our thankfulness to God for giving us the opportunity to have had him in our lives.

A Year

There is always a time you'll remember.
You'll use it to mark a year.
My year is not marked by the beginning of college,
Not marked by the beginning of a new job.
My year, instead, is marked by an end.
My year is marked by the end of a life.
The end of a friend.
The end of the last summer with him.
This mark reminds me of how long it has been.
Of how many moments he has missed.
Of the time he has not been here.
But this day that marks an end, also marks a beginning.
It marks the beginning of tears.
It marks how long it's been since we had to start remembering him.
It marks the beginning of us missing him.
The beginning of the first autumn without him.
No matter how many years go by,
Every September we will think of him.
We think of him every day.
But each September will be different.
It will mark another year.

We miss you Brooks!

We Have Been Given Much....Now What?

2008-08-15T16:09:00.000-04:00

As Christians we have been blessed beyond measure. We have much to be thankful for. Christ has spilled His atoning blood for us even when we did not deserve it. No longer are we seperated from God, but instead our sins have been forgiven and we are called children of God. God not only supplies our spiritual needs, but our physical needs as well. He sustains us with food, clothing, and health. After being offered so much when we are so unworthy we should be overflowing with thankfulness. Not many Christians would disagree with this. Most, if not all, would agree that God has given us more than we could ever hope to ask for--forgiveness, acceptance, and eternal life.
In Luke 12 Christ tells the parable of the watching servants.
"Who then is that faithful and wise steward, whom his lord shall make ruler over his household , to give them their portion of meat in due season? Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing. Of a truth I say unto you, that he will make him ruler over all that he hath. But and if that servant say in his heart, my lord delayeth his coming; and shall begin to beat the men servants and maidens, and to eat and drink, and to be drunken; the lord of that servant will come in a day when he looketh not for him, and at an hour when he is not ware, and will cut him in sunder, and will appoint him his portion with unbelievers. And that servant which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomever much is given, of him shall be much required. "
Look again at that last verse. "For unto whomever much is given, of him shall be much required." The servant who had the most responsibility was punished greater when he failed his lord. The other servants may have done wrong as well. But if they did not know better, their punishment was less severe. As children of God, called to be His servants and stewards on earth, we have a choice. We can either be faithful servants who obey or unfaithful servants who choose to forget God and his warnings. We have already concluded that as Christians we have been given much. people like that part of the verse. "For unto whomever much is given." They relish the fact that God has been generous to us. But too often we want the verse to end there. We would rather the verse say, "You have been given much, so sit back and enjoy your blessings." But how does the verse really end? It says...."much is required." Because we have been given much, much is expected from us. When we become Christians, we enjoy the good things of God--forgiveness, acceptance, and eternal life. But when we become Christians we are also given great responsibility. We are no longer living for ourselves. We have a cross to take up. The children of God are required to live as Christ did, share the Gospel, stay strong in the faith, and keep watch for Christ's coming. These are not suggestions for the believer. They are responsibilities and requirements for each and every one of us.
The Christian is called to live as Christ did. Too many people are brought to the faith thinking that all they need to do is say a prayer and they are on their way to heaven. Over and over in the Bible Christ preached repentance. He never told hi disciples to say a prayer and sit back and enjoy God's gifts. instead He called them to leave behind their old life, take up their cross, and follow after Him. This is not a suggestion, but a requirement. Luke 14:27 says," And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple." We cannot claim to follow Christ and yet continue to live as we did before we were saved. When Christ dwells in us He transforms us. Some Christians today see no need to be seperated from the world. Therefore it is oftentimes hard to tell the difference between those who claim the salvation of God and those who have rejected it. The call to seperation is no longer heeded by Christians today. Oftentimes the way we act, speak, dress, think, and entertain ourselves is exactly the same as the world. How can we show the world that we are being changed into the image of Christ if it is almost impossible to tell through our lives? The world would laugh at our claims. Not to say that as Christians we are holy. We are not. But we do have the responsibility to turn from our old ways and follow God's ways. When we slip up we have an advocate in Jesus. Our overall lifestyle should not mirror that of the world. Romans 6:6 " Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin."
Another obligation of the Christian is to share the good news of Christ. the Gospel was entrusted to us. Christ gave the Great Commission to His disciples-those who followed after Him. If we claim to be followers of Christ, this commission becomes our commission as well. We were given much when we were taught about Christ. When much is given to us-much will be required from us. Like someone taught us the Gospel, we are in return to teach others.
Luke 11:33 " No man, when he hath lighted a candle, putteth it in a secret place, neither under a bushel, but on a candlestick, taht they which come in may see the light." A more sobering reminder of our obligation to warn the world comes in Ezekial 3:17-18. "Son of man, I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel.: therefore hear the word at my mouth, and give them warning from me. When I say unto the wicked, thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked way to save his life;the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand."
The Christian is also urged to stand strong in his faith. Countless times in the New Testament the believer is urged to hold fast to the faith he has accepted. The Bible warns of former believers falling away from their faith. Hebrews 10:38 says " Now the just shall live by faith,; but if any man draw back , my soul shall have no pleasure in him." Instead we are encouraged to press on. "Let us hold fast the profession of our hope without wavering;(for He is faithful that promised.) " The Lord is returning to gather His children. It is important that we do not lose heart and doubt His return. If we do this we will begin to compromise our standards. We have to stay prepared and focused like the prepared virgins waiting for the bridegroom.
The Christian life is not about how many good things we can get from God. True, we do receive countless good things from God. But it is not our part to soak it in and live for ourselves. Instead, we are to soak in God's goodness while realizing that since we have been given much, much is required from us. Not that what we do will make us any better before God. It will not. It is only Christ's blood that makes us acceptable to God. But because we are accepted, we are required to follow in God's ways. We have a big responsibility as Christians. Christ admonished his followers to count the cost before they started their journey of discipleship. We must also count the cost. Much is required of us... are we willing to give it? Peter said, "Lord, to whom can we go? You alone have the words of eternal life." God offers us abundant life. we sould not be scared to accept it. Yes, there is much required of a Christian, but because of all we have been given...it is worth it.

The Gospel of Life

2008-07-17T15:34:00.000-04:00

The Gospel of Life is at the heart of Jesus' message. It is to be preached with dauntless fidelity as "good news" to the people of every age and culture. When He presents the heart of His redemptive mission, Jesus says: "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10. In truth, He is referring to that "new" and "eternal" life which consists in communion with the Father, to which every person is freely called in the Son by the power of the sanctifying Spirit. It is "precisely in this life" that all the aspects and stages of human life acheive their full significance. In a special way, believers in Christ must defend and promote the right of every human being's life to have sacred value... from its very beginning until its end. The boundless love of God is revealed in John 3:16. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever shall believe in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life." But this verse also reveals the incomparable value of every human person. Life on earth remains a sacred reality entrusted to us, to be preserved with a sense of responsibility and brought to perfection in love and in the gift of ourselves to God and to our brothers and sisters. We shall concentrate our attention on a category of attacks--affecting life in its earliest and in its final stages. These attacks tend no longer to be considered as "crimes"; paradoxically they assume the nature of "rights". Such attacks strike human life at the time of its greatest frailty, when it lacks any means of self defence. Even more serious is the fact that most often, those attacks are carried out in the very heart of and with the complicity of the family--the family which by its nature is called to be the "sanctuary of life". In this way we revert to a state of barbarism which one hoped had been left behind forever. With time, the threats against life have not grown weaker. They are taking on vast proportions. They are not only threats coming from the outside, from the forces of nature or the "Cains" who kill the "Abels"; No. They are scientifically and systematically programmed threats. This century will have been an era of massive attacks on life, an endless series of wars and a continual taking of innocent human life. False prophets and false teachers have had the greatest success. It cannot be denied that such a culture of death, taken as a whole, betrays a completely individualistic concept of freedom, which ends up by becoming the freedom of the "strong" against the "weak" who have no choice but to submit. It is precisely in this sense that Cain's answer to the Lord's question: "Where is Abel your brother?" can be interpreted "I do not know. Am I my brother's keeper?" Genesis 4:9. The answer: Yes. Every man is his "brother's keeper" because God entrusts us to one another. A large part of contemporary society looks sadly like that humanity which Paul describes in his letter to the Romans. It is composed of "men who by their wickedness suppress the truth" having denied God and believing that they can build the earthly city without Him. "They became futile in their thinking" so that "their senseless minds were darkened, claiming to be wise they became fools." Carrying out works deserving of death and "they not only do them but approve of them who practice them." Romans 1: 18-32 When conscience, this bright lamp of the soul "calls evil good and good evil" it is already on the path to the most alarming corruption and the darkest moral blindness. It would be to give a one-sided picture, which could lead to sterile discouragement, if the condemnation of the threats to life were not accompanied by the presentation of the positive signs at work. There are still many married couples who, with a generous sense of responsibility, are ready to accept children as the "supreme gift of marriage". Many centers in support of life are sponsored by individuals and groups, which, with admirable dedication and sacrifice, offer moral and material support to mothers who are in difficulty and are tempted to have recourse to abortion. This situation, with its light and shadows, ought to make us fully aware that we are facing an enormous and dramatic clash between good and evil, death and life, the "culture of death" and the "culture of life". We find ourselves not only "faced with" but necessarily "in the middle of" this conflict. We are all involved and we all share in it, with the inescapable responsiblity of choosing to be unconditionally pro-life. The unconditional choice for life reaches its full religious and moral meaning when it flows from faith in Christ. Nothing helps us so much to face positively the onflict between death and life in which we are engaged as faith in the Son of God who became man and dwelt among men so "that they may have life, and have it abundantly." It is a matter of faith in the Risen Lord who has conquered death. With the light and strength of this faith the Church is becoming more aware of the grace and responsibility which comes down to her from her Lord of proclaiming, celebrating, and serving the Gospel of Life.

"See, I have set before you this day life and good, death and evil....I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live." Deut. 30: 15,19

Taken from Evangelium Vitae by Pope John Paul II (I did change it around a little to make it more readable)

Vacation in the Marsh

2008-07-12T20:41:00.000-04:00

This past weekend my family embarked on a trip--a vacation to Edisto Island, SC. We were all very excited about getting away for a few days. Not to mention I got paid days off from my weekday job. What more could I ask for, right? :-) So, we woke up early Monday morning, loaded the van, and started down the road. Chloe was a little worried about leaving the dogs all alone, especially since Peanut (our beagle/chihuahua mix) was extremely angry at being chained. We worry abou that creature when she's nice. Heaven knows what she can think up when she is angry. But we had to take a chance. We weren't going to let some deranged mutt with a grudge to keep us at home. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah...the trip down. We were pretty much suffocated underneath pillows and sleeping bags, but at least we weren't hot. Daddy was thrilled to have air conditioning in the rental van. (since we don't have ac in our cars...) He definitely took advantage of it, and we pretty much froze the whole way down there. The scene in the back of the Long van was interesting. Micah and I donned our head scarves and sunglasses. We were entertained by taking crazy pics of ourselves. Josh and Issie argued over leg room. Ian sat behind me (BIG mistake). He thought up everyway imaginable to torment me constantly! After my patience ran dry I ended his "fun" by whirling around and slappin' him upside the head. Chloe slept like a log. And Hannah sat with her face smeared against the window giving other drivers frantic distress signals. It was up to me to bring along music for our excursion. I brought 4 Bebo Norman cds. (I think everyone wanted me dead after that.) After listening to the same cds over and over again even I was screaming for someone to shut Bebo up!!! ( I can't believe I just said that.)
Finally, when our rears and legs were numb and everyone was ready to pull each other's hair out...we arrived! We were camping at Edisto Island State Park. We had heard some horror stories about the conditions there--but I didn't believe them. We stumbled out of the van, stretched our legs and were immediatly sniffed out by thousands of mosquitoes! We quickly set up camp. When you have 18 hands all working, things get done much faster. When camp was lookin' good we made a rush for the beach. We brought our fishing rods and tried a little surf fishing. Hannah and I climbed out on a rock jetty that stretched a ways into the ocean. It was a beautiful spot, but we nearly got swept into the ocean by the waves when the tide came in.
That night when we got back to camp Daddy and Mama began supper. Daddy had set up "bug lights" that were supposed to ward off bugs. I think something went wrong with those lights. I swear they attracted bugs...and monstrous bugs at that! I was *this* close to havinga nervous breakdown that night. I mean, I am not usually scared of bugs at all. I can deal with bugs - in moderation. But these bugs were enormous!! That night I was helping Daddy cook hamburgers. I was shaping a hamburger patty when this 4 inch hardshelled bug dove right at my face. So much for the quiet ordinance at the campground. The peace was shattered by my screams, and the hamburger meat in my hands went flying in all directions! I will never forget those bugs! lol My favorite thing was how tree frogs came out at night and would hop all over everything. They were adorable and very sticky! :-) With 9 people sleeping in a tent...in a swamp...it's bound to get hot. It did. I slept maybe a total of 30 minutes. I felt bugs crawling all over me. (Obviously the monster bug ordeal tramatized me! lol)
The next morning we woke up early and headed for the dock that went over the salt marsh. We were going crabbing. Crabbing was definitely a new experience for all of us! But it was a lot of fun!!! We tied turkey necks to string and lowered the bait into the murky water. In a matter of seconds you could feel a crab tugging at the bait. As the string holder lifted the bait out of the water, the net holder would scoop the crab up. The crabs werea pretty good size and they were amazing critters. their claws and legs were bright blue and red. we caught about 10 and then we....let them go. They were so cool we couldn't bear to kill them! (That's what happens when you go crabbing with 6 girls) When we got back to camp us kids took off to explore the nature trails. I walked about 10 miles that day! We walked down one trail that led to a place called Shell Mount. It was an enormous mound of oyster and clam shells. 4000 years ago the natives used that site as a dumping ground for the shells they caught. It was pretty awesome! Our camping trip was over too soon. The next morning we got packed up in record time and hit the road. On the way back we stopped by Parris Island Marine Base. We all enjoyed that very much! It was like the soldiers' very own city--complete with a hospital, schools, restaurants, neighborhoods, etc. We visted the Parris Island Museum where we met a nice tour guide named Frank. He was a veteran Marine who fought in the Korean War. We were even lucky enough to watch hundreds of new recruits training. Mr. Frank introduced us to a female drill sergeant. (She didn't even yell at us.) After seeing that place I felt very patriotic! It was definitely an unforgettable experience!!
The coast was beautiful...Spanish moss, palmetto trees, and salt marshes. But at the end of the day I was ready to head back to good ol' Spartanburg. Everyone except Daddy, Mama, and I slept the whole way home. Those of us who stayed awake listened to more Bebo Norman and devoured the snacks. (I was starving!) We were thankful to get home...even though we were all one big mosquito bite! we were also thankful to see that our grudge holding dog, Peanut, didn't even burn the house down or anything. (And my goldfish, Wee Willy, was still alive after 2 days with no food!) What an experience!!!

Delivery Men.....

2008-07-06T13:32:00.000-04:00

This morning we had to have a washing machine delivered to our house. At first we were fine, and acted like we had sane minds. We mopped the floor, dusted behind the old washing machine, and cleared a path through the house to make it easier for the delivery men to move around (aren't we considerate? lol). While we were cleaning, the phone rang and I answered it. It was a mobile phone number...so I assumed it was the delivery men. I was right. He asked a question, to which I responded, "Yes ma'am" (totally by accident). There was a long pause on the other end of the line. I quickly handed the phone to my mom, and rolled in the floor laughing. (Which only confirmed my sister's fear that I had lost my mind.) I couldn't help it. I could just picture this burly delivery man being called "ma'am", and that long, agonizing pause that followed. LOL I'm sure that took away some of his manhood. :-)
Anyway, so Mama informs us they are on the way. That news is met by a frantic last minute struggle to get cleaned up. The watchman on the front porch hollers into the house ..."THEY'RE HERE!!!!" My younger sister hurries outside to restrain our monstrous dogs, while all hell breaks loose inside the house (not literally, but it felt that way. ) It's kind of funny how the younger kids act more mature than the older...*ahem* adult siblings. lol The two youngest kids sit quietly in the living room waiting for the men to bring in the washing machine. Meanwhile us older kids stay at the window with our faces hidden behind some fixture, watching the men lug the washing machine down the path. Isn't it classic how delivery men are all the same? Usually one is short and chunky and the other is tall and lanky (just an observation). Back to the unfolding scene.... We can't stay out in the open for long though.....There is something about having delivery men come into your house that sends us into a panick. The delivery men get closer and closer to our porch. We make a mad dash for our rooms...screaming and running into each other as we go. For the next half hour we stayed closed up in our room....waiting. I took this time to relax and listen to my favorite cd. As long as we were out of sight...I was fine. My sister kept her eyeball against the crack in the door...trying to cath a glimpse of the delivery men. She had strict orders from me not to open the door...on pain of death. She did pretty well at this job, besides the times she had to swing it open every now and then to snatch an unsuspecting sibling into our room to hide with us.
Soon we start to get restless....
How long does it take to install a washing machine??!!
Finally our little brother comes to the room to give us the okay. They are gone! We scramble out of the room to watch the truck disappear down the road. We look at each other....grin... and get back to normal life.
I can't help but wondering.....are we the only people who hide from delivery men?

Don't Waste Your Life

2008-07-04T23:13:00.000-04:00

Today I started a book by John Piper called "Don't Waste Your Life". I have only read one chapter, but the lesson in this book hit me hard. Too often I become so wrapped up in my earthly life that I forget the real reason I was placed here. I tend to look forward to so many things in this life, whether it be family changes, getting older, finishing college, starting a career, getting married, having children. I have always been one to not desire much excitement from life. I would be perfectly happy with my Lord, my family, and just living everyday like my blog title says: "Where the Trees Stand Still." However, often I overlook God calling me to be a witness for Him, to be what we have been called to be...salt and light. I think to myself sometimes, "This is my life. We only have one life, so shouldn't I enjoy myself and do what will make me happy?" I couldn't be more wrong in my thinking. God has not called us to a life of complacency. In fact He said that our life as Christians is no longer our own. Sure we can live for ourselves...but not if we want to be Christ followers. God said whoever wants to keep his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Christ's sake will find it.
Some measure success by the amount of money accumulated over the years, the status attained in their workplace, or the many lands they travelled to. For the Christian we have a much higher calling...to impact the world with the Gospel...to change lives through the message Christ entrusted us with. What higher calling is there than to be used by God? But we too often choose the other path. We choose our own selfish desires over the desires of God. More than anything I desire at the last day to be told..."Well done, good and faithful servant." A servant does not live life for themselves. They do not live pursuing pleasure or fame. They do not strive after their own desires. They are to live for one greater than they. The servant of God must not waste his life.

You Give and Take Away

2008-07-04T22:52:00.000-04:00

What a glorious God we serve! Our God gives and takes away. This saying is kind of bittersweet. Everthing we have on this earth was provided to us by God, and He has the right to take it away. Oftentimes by taking things away, He reveals His plan for our lives. We as humans can not understand the mind or ways of God. We are very selfish and usually only desire what will be good for us...or what we think will be good for us. I have been through times in my life where I have lost something or someone that I loved. At first my eyes are so clouded by the tears that I can only see the taking away. In times of pain or confusion, it is easy to overlook the giving of God. Maybe it is because we are hurting and we need someone to blame. Or maybe we only want to dwell on what we no longer have. I have come to find comfort in the giving of God. Though it is hard to deal with the taking, I find peace, joy, and thankfulness when I remember how gracious God was to give to us. A couple of years ago I lost a friend. When I thought about him, the pain was too much to bear. I could only think of what I did not have anymore...of what was taken away. I thought to myself, "If I had never known him, I would not be hurting right now. I would have no idea of the person he was, and he would not have been important to me." And then i would wonder...why did I have to know him at all? But when I seriously think about this I am sure I would not give up our friendship just to avoid the pain. It would be easier, but my life would not be the same. When I considered this, I long to praise God for the giving. Though I still don't know why I knew him, I am thankful that God gave me the pleasure of knowing him. This same example applies to pretty much everything in our lives, because almost everything we have on this earth will be taken away one day. But instead of grieving over the loss, we can celebrate the giving. We have a generous Father. Let us be appreciative, because He gives and takes away.

A Ticket to the Rails

2008-06-15T22:33:00.000-04:00

A long time ago I was given a ticket to the rails. I still have it with me. It's crumpled in my pocket. I don't remember when I got my ticket, but I know it is still here with me.
When I boarded the train I found my seat next to a window so I could see the moments fly by. Now I have been on this train for 20 years. My seat is flattened from years of sitting. I no longer jump up to hang my head out the wimdow when we lurch around a bend. I no longer strain my eyes to see every color in the rainbow as we chug underneath.
Today is just another normal day on the train. "First stop!" the conductor calls out as the wheels creak to a halt. I glance towards the front to see if this is a pickup or a drop off. It's a pickup. A young child scrambles onto the train, waving her ticket. She searches for a window seat, just like when I first boarded. She balances on her knees with her face pressed to the glass as the train starts up again. Her eager eyes dane with excitement and joy.
Around the next bend the train stops again. the door doesn't open, so I know this must be a drop off. Everyone shuffles uncomfortably in their seats as the conductor scans the faces. "Young man," the conductor calls toa kid behind me. "Your ticket has expired son." A look of fear fills the boy's eyes. He cries out ina an angry voice as the train door opens. "This isn't fair! I didn't get to ride as long as the others!" The conductor throws the boy's luggage onto the ground as he pats the boy's back. "sorry son." the passengers grow quiet as the train pulls off. It happens all the time, but it is still awkward for those of us left behind.
Soon darkness creeps into the train cars, and I drift off to sleep. Sometime during the night, the rock of the train halts and I wake with a start. I squint through the dim light and see the conductor shaking hands with an elderly gentleman. Another drop off. The elderly man gathers his bags in his gnarled hands and steps off the train. The conductor tips his hat and closes the door. As the train pulls off I stare at the old man standing beside the track. His eyes glint with bittersweet tears.
I settle back into my seat and think. The familiar passengers around me sleep peacefully. My face presses against the cool glass. My breath fogs the window as I stare into the night. The black sky yawns above us, broken every now and then by glints of light. I hang my head out the window for the first time in years. With my eyes I trace the silver tracks strecting ahead of us. The train flies on.
I don't know when the next drop off will be. I don't know when we'll get a new passenger. All I know is that I am still here on this long train as it trudges on...forever.

Where the Trees Stand Still

2008-06-15T22:21:00.000-04:00

Everyone it seems
Is looking for the grass that's greener here
And through my window pane
The scenery flies by and disappears
So tell to me the secret
That won't let the memories fade away
Until I am home again...where the trees stand still

Yesterday it seems
I travelled in a younger man's clothes
Living out this dream
And wandering through fields of touch and go
Moving on forever
Watching the distance fade away
But now I just want to land...where the trees stand still

All this time
On this line
Here then I am gone

Tonight I want a life
Where the faces are the same most every day
Tonight I want a wife
To sit with me and watch our children play
All the world between us
Watching the years fade away
And when the laughing's done...we'll watch the trees stand still
Every day...where the trees stand still
We will make a home...where the trees stand still.

(Bebo Norman 2002)